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December 23, 2005
Well it's 99% official
So it’s official that maeve the dog has lymphoma. It’s hard to tell that she is sick which is the good news, but as her body is clearly starting to turn against her, it’s also hard to pretend it’s not happening. We’re off to start chemo today which I have to admit I’m ambivalent about. I’m concerned about her and my quality of life if the treatment will only add eight months to her life (that’s the worse case scenario) on the other hand I’ve been told she could get another two years. Which is a lot of life in dog years. What I’ve read on the internet has been helpful once I weed through it. I worry about how I’m going to manage a sick dog in an apartment-I don’t want to re-crate her since she hates that and I wouldn’t want to be confined if I were sick. On the other hand, I don’t know what to expect. Frankly, I’m just feeling a little overwhelmed.
Posted by maeve921 at 12:03 PM | TrackBack
December 14, 2005
On being an optimist
Lately my policy for life has been to try and be optimistic with the thought being that one has nothing to lose even if the outcome is not what one wanted. It was pointed out to me recently that if I hoped for something and felt optimistic that it would occur, that if it did not happen, I still would have been happy all that time waiting for the outcome. So instead of “preparing” myself or “being realistic” (which actually doesn’t work because when the actual anticipated event does or does not occur, being “prepared” doesn’t really make it any easier to deal with) I’ve decided to just hope for the best. In the past I would have scoffed at this strategy, thinking that I would look foolish if I had hoped for the best but in the end things didn’t work out. I worried that I would look like someone who wasn’t practical or couldn’t face reality and wouldn’t accept something that to everyone else was obvious. Last month I had this sudden thought, “What do I have to lose?” to be optimistic that things could be ok.
So as I wait for the outcome of the biopsy done on my dog this past week, I’m trying to put into practice my new policy. I have to admit, I have moments when I feel sad to think that she might have cancer and that even with treatment, she might not have as long a life as I had hoped. Even ten years isn’t long enough when you love your pet, but having that radically shortened seems unfair. And I feel worried about how I will feel if the news is bad and there are no treatment options. The downside of letting yourself really love someone is that it really hurts to lose them. It used to seem sensible to go through life not being too open to prevent being too hurt, but ultimately I think that’s a waste of life.
I feel lucky that I’ve had the chance to love this dog so and to share time with her, I hope that she does not suffer or that I can minimize her suffering, but most of all I hope that she’ll kick this thing and stick around for a while.
Posted by maeve921 at 7:44 PM | TrackBack
December 13, 2005
Waiting waiting waiting
Well, not so good news on the pet front. Waiting to hear if the dog has cancer is a bummer. The vet says we should have the results by Friday. I don’t think the news will be good. However, chemo is an option so we’ll have to see what the plan is. Poor dog, it’s no fun being sick.
Posted by maeve921 at 5:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
A tip
Here’s a tip-if you’re stuck on life time hold waiting for your call to be picked up, take a big gulp of water and that’s exactly when your call will be answered. Guaranteed that when your mouth is full and you can’t speak, that’s when you’ll have to start talking.